The Parent of Self: Are Children Born For Us?

It is interesting, discovering the reason behind the apathy some people have about having kids, and their confusion as to why the Church sees raising children (whether you have one or twenty, biological or adopted) as an obligation for married couples.  Now, I'm not talking about the people who think kids are the scum of the earth, or that somehow having a baby will end their precious little lives.  Those people are so obviously self-centered and blinded by mainstream society that even some of the more liberal and secular folk can agree that their view on the youngest of humanity is slated.

Instead, I am speaking of those who don't have anything against kids: they simply don't see how having kids will "better" their lives, or how having kids will do anything for them in particular.  They may say they never had a desire for children, even though they love their nieces and nephews.  Or perhaps they don't have a "need" to "experience" parenthood, as they are perfectly happy the way they are.

After speaking with a woman who has expressed similar thoughts, I think I discovered something. No matter if you hate kids, simply don't desire them, or have some yourself for the purpose of self-fulfillment, you are missing the entire point of bearing and raising children.

I'm going to start in the beginning, when God created the world.  I spoke of this before in another deviation of mine (entitled "The Point of Existence"), where God created because He is love, and it is in His nature to love; this correlates into His role of Creator, as He creates because it's in His nature to create.  Creation was not brought forth by His word because He was bored, or because he desired something for Himself: God created for the sake of Creation, so that Creation will be loved by the embodiment of love Himself, God.  We exist because are meant to be loved, and to be loved by a perfect love only God can give to us.  It is in the state of selfless love where we discover our full potential as human beings, and learn how to emulate that love to others.  In action, deed, and word, God gives us selfless love for our sakes.

Now, let's consider the fact that all of humanity is made in the Image of God.  Everyone of us, whether we wish to utilize them or not, have qualities that reflect God's goodness.  We can be charitable, truthful, righteous, joyful, and, of course, we can create.  We can create paintings, and cars, and even children.

Obviously we don't create children out of nothing, as only God can do this; however, as we are a reflection of the true Creator, we can procreate, and bring forth life instead of creating it ex nihilo.

So, being made in the Image of God, we are able to procreate offspring, and, like the Creator who created out of selfless love, we should bear children for their sake, so that they may be loved and give back that love to the world.

This is why those apathetic towards parenthood are confused about why one should be obligated to have children: it is because they miss the point of having them to begin with!  You do not have a child to better your life, or to better your relationship with your spouse; babies don't pop out of the womb, fully trained to know how to please you and serve your expectations of the "perfect child"; and you most certainly do not have children "just because", so that you can experience what parenthood is like and check it off your bucket list.

You bear children for the children's sake, for God's sake, and for the world's sake.  They are literally the future of society, of our cultures, civilizations, and even beliefs.  They are vulnerable and need direction, so that they can learn from their mortal parents about how to love and pass it on to their own future offspring.

Children are a blessing: not because they are there for our sakes, but because they are so precious that we often don't deserve to enjoy the experience of parenting.  They are invaluable to God and the world, and to everything that it means to exist.  Yet, God blesses us with them anyway.  We are gifted the honor of parenthood not for the title or the experience, but for the opportunity to love and cherish the next generation. 

Is it wrong to find joy from being a parent, to fully appreciate and enjoy its blessings?  Of course not!  Along with the struggles of parenting, we can find so many moments of happiness and causes for celebration.  When you serve God and love Him and the blessings He gives to you, you will find joy even amongst the bad moments and suffering.  It is only natural that love will beget love and so on.

But you should never make that your priority for having children.  When you make parenthood self-centered, you will not only disappoint yourself, but possibly hurt your children as well.  How can a young one so naive possibly know how and be expected to make his parents happy first before himself? 

If people think that having kids is about their happiness and their welfare, then it is no wonder that they do not desire children; how can you fully accept children knowing that they never existed for your sake anyway?

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Please ponder over the following Bible verses and Catholic teachings on children, and see how it differs or reflects your own view on having children.


Psalm 127:3-5

Lo, sons are a heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons of one's youth.  Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them!  He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies at the gate.

Matthew 18:20

See that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I tell you that in heaven their angels always behold the face of my Father who is in Heaven.

Mark 10:13-14

And they were bringing children to [Jesus], so that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them.  But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God..."

Luke 17:2

It would be better for him if a millstone were hung round his neck and he were cast into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.

John 16:21

When a woman is in travail she has sorrow, because her hour has come; but when she is delivered of the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a child has been born into the world.